Engineers: The Practical Spouse

For those of you who are single, I would like to highly recommend an engineer for your spousal consideration.  Not only are they smart, they make life so much easier!  Be it a male or female engineer, I believe you will thank me for this great insight into the pros of getting with those left-brained geniuses.

1:  They know how to tip. 

Due to the fact that those little nerds know math better than they know about relationships, it is totally to your advantage to have them handle the tip, which inevitably approaches after every nice meal out.  I tend to err on the side of overcompensation, so if your potential engineer is really on it, he/she won’t even wait for you to awkwardly ask him/her, “is this too much for a tip?”  He/she will just handle it.  Let’s just say, your calculator purchases will be practically zero over your lifetime, since your lovey also happens to be a walking number machine and indulging their talents also saves you money.

2:  They are natural builders/assemblers/installers.

Pay no attention to the fact that he's wearing different clothes in the before and after pictures.  He started at like 6pm the day before, worked for like an hour and then picked it up the next day.  Whatever, I could drink my merlot while he did the dirty work.  No judgement here.

Who hasn’t purchased that 400 lb bookcase from Ikea or Wal-Mart, only to find that it’s in roughly 10,000 pieces that require assembly?  Well, fear not!  Those engineers will not only do it for you, they enjoy it!!  So your time can be better spent walking to the fridge and grabbing some beer/wine and heading to the couch because they will take care of it.  Note: it would be misleading if I left out that occasionally, be it a rare occurrence, they ask for you to go get a hammer or some sort of screwdriver, but it’s a small price to pay for that assembled furniture!

3.  They are fixers!

Personally, I have no patience when something malfunctions or breaks in my house.  Needless to say I get infuriated and prepare to banish it from our household.  However, this is where those engineers come in handy.  They will voluntarily take on the role of handyman to repair broken items!  Granted, they may take it completely apart first to see how it works, but as long as it ends up functional, so be it!  And get this… they sometimes even make it function BETTER than it did before.  Mind = blown.  Seeing that I would pay good money for someone else to endure such frustrating tasks, I would argue that it’s economically in my favor to marry an engineer for that reason alone.  Good thing I did!

4.  They are technology gurus.

Here is Greg and me. Greg is fixing the OnDemand nonsense while I sit, watch, and take a photo like a stereotypical woman. Meanwhile Seamus and his charming smile wish to photobomb.

So duh, engineers love to update themselves on the latest in science and technology and are itching at the opportunity to practice such innovation.  For example, when I bought a Google Nexus, which is like an iPad, except cheaper and better, I didn’t know how to download movies for my flight to Chicago and frankly had no interest in learning.  Alas!  Greg the Engineer came to my rescue and figured it out in about 30 seconds so that I could watch two movies, internet-free, for the duration of my flight.  Insert little floating hearts here.  Those engineers and their doodads, I tell you. 

5.  They tend to memorize important numbers. 

This picture is unrelated, but it goes to show that we non-engineers tend to make silly economical mistakes. I got a ticket for parking in the street on a 2nd Wednesday of the month. See my passive-aggressive note on the memo line.
Greg the Engineer wouldn't have let this happen, I assure you. 
He would have remembered that the 2nd Wednesday of the month is a no-street-park day.

In my experience with dating/marrying an engineer, he is great with all sorts of numbers.   He never misses a birthday or anniversary and he has a habit of memorizing bank account and credit card numbers. Now, you may say, “um, that could be a problem if you break up,” to which I retort BLAH BLAH BLAH.  This is actually very useful when you are sitting on the couch in your sweatpants, eating ice cream, and surfing the internet for random items to buy online.  Dilemma arises: my purse is in the next room but I really want to buy that no! no! hair removal thing without getting up.  Solution follows: “Greg?” I shout into the next room (because he’s playing his video game, obviously).  “What’s my credit card number?  I want to buy something from Amazon!”  And boom.  He shouts back everything you need to complete your lazy purchase.  On a similar note, engineers tend to be good bill payers and keep the books looking good so we have discretionary funds to buy stupid things like a “no! no!”

6.  They have excellent salaries.

I ain’t sayin’ I’m a gold digga, but it’s comforting to know that when my competitive field of communications is not exactly fruitful in job prospects, I have an engineer making decent bucks to pay the bills.  Those masterminds had it right from the beginning!  Go to college and get a degree in something that’ll pay a lot for your brain.  And those two-engineer couples I know will soon be enjoying a summer home in the south of France with servants ready to pour them more wine.

In conclusion, engineers are not just good count-the-jelly-bean-contest winners or good cooks (because those brilliant devils know how to measure without actually measuring!), they are invaluable to day-to-day life!  Please consider having an engineer in your life, if not as a spouse, then at least as a friend.  They will pay for themselves, I promise.