This is
a topic I come to think of often. I realize we are all human and there are
times when each of us has behaved in a way that makes us reflect with a wince. I
acted like an idiot, or I was so mean, are just a few of the
responses that have come to my mind with regard to my own behavior, usually
bundled with some level of regret. On the other hand, there are times when we
behave just as we are supposed to and we feel proud, on track, and in control
of our lives.
The
Beginning: My Mother’s Glare
I don’t
know about you, but my mother was ON IT when it came to grooming our behavior.
By the time I came around, she had a seven-year-old and a fourteen-year-old, so
she was fluent in the language of tantrums. Some fond memories I have are when
I would get so angry at her, I would stomp my foot on the ground in
frustration. Then, the dark clouds would gather over our house and my mother’s
eyes would become large and round, her mouth would get small, and her voice
would turn to all but a whisper. “Don’t you stomp your foot at me, GIRLY!” she
would say quietly, ending with an abrupt “GIRLY” that made me shake in my
stomping boots. At the time I thought my mother was unreasonably strict about
such a little thing but as an adult, I see that it was a lesson in being
civilized: keep your emotional crap together. You do not act that way to get
what you want.
Sometimes,
though, my mom thought it best to use the old “Irish Guilt” method on us to
help mold our behavior. She would put her head down and she’d say slowly and
softly, usually clutching her heart or occasionally wringing her hands, for
maximum dramatic effect, “I can’t believe you would do such a thing. I’m so
hurt that you would act that way.” Ugh, just kill me already.
NOTE:
Her strategies still affect me to this day. When my niece was around eight or
so, she took a needle and carved the word “Hi” into my mom’s chest of drawers
that belonged to my mother’s grandparents. I was with my mom when she called my
niece into the room and worked her Irish guilt voodoo on her. I have to say, my
niece was a heck of a lot stronger than I was at that age, because I would’ve
been bawling. Instead, she put her head down, with only the slightest quiver in
her chin, and apologized sincerely. When she left the room, I started laughing
and my mom, having instantly switched back to Dr. Jekyll mode, asked me what
was so funny. I said I felt like I was right back to my own personal ‘Nam of
getting in trouble and her skills had not worn off.
On the
other hand, the times when I acted like a decent child by doing what I was
told, my mom had no shortage of compliments. She would always thank me for
doing the task I was asked, even if it was something like “go brush your
teeth.” She also would repeat on and on what a good girl I was and what a good
day I’d had with her to my dad when he got home, assuming I was low on the brat
scale that day. We all like that sort of positive reinforcement and I agree
with her method.
Witnessing
the Dark Side
Everyone
has had that moment where they witness someone’s kid being a little beast.
Grocery stores, restaurants, airplanes, whatever, there is no shortage of kids
acting like monsters. In those scenarios, I look immediately to the
parent(s).Are they trying to calm/appease the beast? Are they trying to
distract the beast? Or are they disconnected and allowing their children to run
feral? I am aware that children are a lot of work and some days they are just
going to scream like a banshee for no reason. That said, if the parent(s) are
attempting to be parents, then I understand. If I’m sitting next to a screaming
baby on an airplane because his ears keep popping, I will be annoyed but I will
certainly understand if the parents are attempting to soothe him/her and we all
will suck it up until it’s over. If I am sitting next to a toddler who is
screaming that he wants his apple juice, I’m tempted to step in and show that
kid some old-school discipline that’s likely frowned upon by parents and
possibly FAA regulation.
You’re
Old Enough To Know Better
So now
we are past the years of little hellions, where bribery of some form or another
will usually suffice to get the little monkeys to dance as we like, and we have
moved on to adulthood. We can pretty much sum up the philosophy of appropriate
adult behavior to the Golden Rule; treat others as you would like to be
treated. Okay, that’s all fine and good, except that in order to comprehend and
live by this rule, it means you must have a certain level of introspection and
compassion, which some people simply lack. Other times, you flat-out know
you’re behaving poorly but it’s difficult to reign in your emotions or you feel so justified in the moment, that
you make an exception (and usually regret it later).For instance, I always
laugh when someone asks me if I’m sick. “You look sick. Are you sick?” I’m
amused by this because if we stop for a moment to play the
“best-case/worst-case” game, you will find how inappropriate this question
actually is.
Best-case scenario:
you are accurate, I am sick. This means I already feel like garbage and now
you’re telling me I look like garbage too. Awesome.
Worst-case
scenario: I am not sick, and now I am offended. This one's usually the case
when someone asks me if I'm sick.
On to more fun adult behavior! This one usually reveals a person's socioeconomic status pretty quickly: cracking open that bottle of soda that they grabbed from the check-out fridge BEFORE paying for it. Other variations of this include a bag of chips, gum, etc. Really? You are unable to wait three more minutes until you've...I don't know... purchased it? I'm not saying I eat with golden silverware in a ball gown or anything, but I find that to be very trashy. Also, to those people who do that, don't you realize you're paying like a dollar and a quarter for that Mountain Dew, which costs more than a TWO LITER in the soda aisle...sheesh...
So now let's change
up the flavor of this topic (to end on a positive note). Occasionally I witness
someone doing it right and when that happens, my hope for humanity is restored.
One of these things is thank-you notes. I really appreciate when someone gives
me a thank-you note and I write them frequently. Even if it's just in an
e-mail, I think acknowledging that you appreciated a gift makes all sides feel
good. If the zombie apocalypse comes and we lose our thank-you notes, the world
will fall into utter chaos.
I know none of us
are perfect and we will all make behavioral mistakes. However, it's for this reason that I
appreciate when someone else behaves appropriately,
regardless of age.
