Wishin’ and Hopin’ and Thinkin’ and Prayin’

Humans, by nature, want.  Allow me to break it down as I understand it.  We have primal wants, cultural wants, and individual wants that constantly overlap each other.

 Primal wants:

        Food & Water
        Shelter
        Procreation or the act thereof
        Feeling of self-importance

 Cultural wants for our Western culture/society:

        Good job/career (coincides with feeling of self-importance)
        Home (coincides with shelter)
        Partner-in-Crime (and baby-makin’…coincides with procreation and maybe a little feeling of
        self-importance too, why not?)
        Taboo people to remain located outside of our perceptive comfort bubbles (society wants the
        irritating and creepy away! Away!)

Individual wants vary from person to person.  Some RANDOM examples may include:

        Learn to play the electric guitar (coincides with feeling of self-importance)
        Babies or a puppy or something equally cute (coincides with feeling of self-importance
        and/or procreation)
        Get that promotion (self-importance)
        Set someone’s house on fire (I’m not saying individual wants are all rational or morally right,
        duh. But that would probably go under the feeling of self-importance, if I had to guess)

Whatever the wants may be, everyone has them at every age, as it shapes our behavior and decisions.  My earliest individual want, to my recollection, was a kangaroo stuffed animal.  Because I had a loving and perceptive mother, she combed store after store to find one for me…and she GOT me one.  I believe some of my go-getter attitude today is in part because I got that kangaroo.  Just kidding, I was like four when I wanted it and I probably wanted blue spaghettio’s and Yosemite Sam to come visit me too.  Anyway, it was still very good mothering on my mom’s part.  Thanks, Mom!

Individual wants consistently change throughout our lives, as to be expected.  In high school, I desperately wanted to be in wind symphony class, which each student had to audition for.  It was the band class above the rest and many of my friends were either already in it or auditioning to be in it.  All drama aside, I took private lessons and practiced day and night on my alto saxophone until my bottom lip had a hole in it (yes, I played the alto sax.  I was too “saxy” for the band! Yuk, Yuk!).  After my audition, the band director and staff said they really saw the improvement and they were very happy with my performance.  I was elated!  I remember after I was told I’d made the cut, I went home to watch Harry Potter (these memories are illuminating what a nerd I was) and I remember thinking, “Wow.  If I can make it into wind symphony, then I can do anything I want.”  No, I didn’t want to go to Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  The movie was playing purely by coincidence as I was having this epiphany and therefore the whole situation has remained vivid in my memory. Okay, maybe I wanted to go a little… but so did all of you! Don’t lie.

OH yes.  This is badassery happenin' right here.  Look at us! We're too cool for school, except band class ... not too cool for band class.  See below for a close-up.

"Look at how rebellious I am. **Chucks saxophone**
Now it's a FLOOR saxophone!  Take that, society!"

 My wants in college mostly came out in the form of my major. I first wanted to be a psychologist; to “listen to people’s problems and walk them through.”  Then I realized that psychology, as a practice, is science-and-research based and not the let’s-hug-and-talk-about-it profession that I assumed it was.  After that came elementary education, then musical theatre, then finally public relations.  Oh, young 17-year-old me and my curiosity!

 

I couldn’t decide on a major in college but so help me, I knew my
Halloween costumes well in advance!

After landing in public relations, I thrived! Every class was interesting and I found myself reading up on PR in my spare time, which is absurd for someone in college full-time with little free time.  Anyway, the next biggest “want” I faced was to join Public Relations Organization (PRO), a student group at our university.  Easy want to fulfill: show up to meetings, pay dues.  Next I wanted to be on the board for PRO, CHECK.  Next want: be president of PRO.  A year later, all on the board were graduating except me (they didn’t really think that through in the selection process, obviously) so I helped to select an entirely new board with my new (and not really earned) position of president.  **Serious face** That board improved the organization so much and I’m so proud to have been a part of it. I didn’t realize it at the time but that experience taught me about teamwork and how to lead effectively with others who are every bit as intelligent and competent as myself, with all ranges of talents and interests. I’m sure I was very rough around the edges to deal with sometimes but, hey, we were all learning.  Yay for working together and accomplishing stuff!

The rockin' PRO Board 2008

   As a functioning adult and being the organized individual that I am, I have lists of things I wish
   to accomplish/have/do. Some are big things and some are small but either way, it provides me with
   the reminders I need to move forward toward my “wants.”

Now, everyone has had those moments when your “want” doesn’t come through.  Approximately a minute and a half out of college, I applied to work at Barnes & Noble. I went up the food chain with four interviews in six months; first the peer interview, then the site manager interview, then the regional manager interview, and then the God interview, I don't know (I don't really remember after the first three).  I thought the job was in the bag (because surely they wouldn’t waste this much time continuing to interview me otherwise, right?) and I’d hyped myself up to want this job because it was a community relations position at a store near D.C.  A few weeks after the last interview, they called to tell me it had come down to me and one other person, and that the other person was just marginally more qualified.  Dang.  I went into a hidey-hole of immaturity and depression for about a month with the words “never count your chickens” ringing over and over in my head.  Sidenote:  I’ve gotten the “silver medal” three times in my career.  Of course it’s never fun to hear “you’re the best candidate we’re not taking” but at the same time, it’s so helpful to know that I’m even on the right track! They could’ve said nothing so in that case, I’d definitely prefer to be told it came down to a duel of resumes between one other person and me, as opposed to a mob of other people who are more qualified than me. Also, it’s only fair to mention that two of the three instances led to other job opportunities that I took, so it all happens for a reason.

 After a particular want doesn’t come through, for whatever reason, it’s not uncommon to feel resentful and become apprehensive with regard to future opportunities that could get you to your want; the whole “once bitten, twice shy” principle.  This comes in many shades: relationships, career, literally burning yourself on the stove and then being afraid of using the stove, whatever.  It’s much harder as an adult to endure an obstacle like that because let’s face it, as a kid, if you didn’t get what you wanted, you forgot about it the next day.  Also, kids’ wants are usually small, short-lived and/or ridiculous anyway.  As an adult (and especially an adult who over-analyzes), it can seem detrimental to hit a brick wall.  What could I have done better?  Could I have prepared more? Is now really the right time? Do I really even want this?

 My husband and my mother both have the best attitudes about this and they have influenced me to become a follower as well: if you want something and did not get it, there is a reason.  We are here to learn from our experiences and while you may think this is something that you need, it obviously is not.  Be as prepared as possible for when opportunity knocks but there are ALWAYS external and uncontrollable factors that are unseen by the “wanter.” 

 For example, say you want a significant other and can’t seem to find one that even remotely peaks your interest.  Does that mean you are unlovable and should become a hermit?  Ridiculous, though someone could feel that way in the self-reflection chapter of the brick-wall book.  Perhaps you need to reassess your standards to see where the problem lies but remember, there are unseen external factors at play here as well.  Perhaps you are in a small town with slim pickin’s and perhaps your intellect and interests can’t be matched there.  Do you know every single person in that town?  No, but your odds would be better in a city (or on the internet), says mathematics.  Disclaimer: there is always a chance you’re being an elitist and need to check on that once in a while, I guess. However, using myself as an example again because it’s the best one I know, I LOVE everything about Greg, even the things that annoy me about him! (He nests his dirty laundry in random places and I’m still trying to teach him, after only eight years together.  We WILL get there. My spirit won’t be broken.)  **Here comes the soapbox** As taken out of context from the movie Star Trek, the odds of a person finding someone with whom they are highly compatible are like “hitting a bullet with an even smaller bullet, while blindfolded, while riding a horse.”  Scotty may have been talking about warp speed but I’m talking about wanting someone who can make you happy and setting a standard among those around to you meet or beat. Now, taking a u-turn back to my main point, maybe you didn’t get what you really wanted recently.  Remember, maybe you’re not ready for it yet or maybe you’re not meant to have it at all.  Let go of the control a little and see what happens because I’ll bet, in the long run, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

 If you have gotten what you wanted recently, truly, good for you!  Everyone needs a little encouragement once in a while!  If we never got what we wanted, it would no longer be a balance of risk and reward to try for something, it would be simple stupidity.